Grief and Motherhood: How to parent through loss
This post has been co-authored and reviewed by Expert Contributor Rebecca Larter
Grief and motherhood are two experiences that rarely get talked about together – yet for many women, they collide in the most life-altering way.
When you lose a parent while raising young children, life doesn’t pause. There are still school runs, snack requests, bedtime stories – all continuing while your world feels like it’s fallen apart.
Holistic Grief Coach Rebecca Larter, draws on both her lived experience and professional insight to explore what grief and motherhood really look like side by side – not perfectly managed, but deeply felt.
If you’re parenting through loss, or supporting someone who is, hopefully these reflections offer both comfort and clarity.
What Grief Really Feels Like When You’re Raising Children
‘The day my dad died, my world stopped – but motherhood didn’t.
Grief arrived in my life like a tidal wave, yet the rhythms of family life carried on as if nothing had changed. There were pre-school runs, bedtime stories, and small hands reaching for mine.
Parenting while grieving can feel like living in two realities at once, caring for your children while quietly carrying a broken heart. Losing my dad while raising three young children broke something in me.
There was no sleep. My body was constantly flaring with stress. My heart was trying to grieve quietly so the pain didn’t spill over onto my children. At the same time, my stepdad was very unwell and my mum had become his full-time carer, which meant there was no wider family support to lean on. My husband was there beside me – but he was grieving too, exhausted too, trying to hold everything together just like I was.
There was no village to collapse into. Carrying on felt impossibly hard.
Most days were pure survival mode and breaking down didn’t feel like an option when three little humans were depending on me to function, to keep going, to keep breathing.
So I kept going, through the exhaustion, through the grief, through the heaviness that sat in my chest every day and even when I felt like I was falling apart, I knew one thing for certain: I was their safe place.
That responsibility felt enormous at times, but it was also deeply grounding. And I will forever be grateful for it. Raising children while experiencing a loss feels like such a juxtaposition. The joy my children brought, and their pull into the present, reminded me why I kept going – even while part of me longed for the space to simply be a grieving daughter.
I’ve come to understand that loss doesn’t just affect our hearts, it reshapes how we move through everyday life, including how we parent.’
Here are ten things grief has taught me about motherhood since losing my dad.
1. Your body deserves compassion, not criticism
Grief is physical as much as it is emotional.
You may experience:
- Deep exhaustion
- Brain fog
- Heightened stress or anxiety
- Low energy for everyday tasks
Rather than pushing through, this is a time to soften expectations. Grief taught me that my body wasn’t failing, it was protecting me. Communicating to me that I needed to look after myself.
Now I try to extend the same compassion to myself that I offer my children when they are tired, upset, or overwhelmed.
2. Children don’t need a perfect mum – they need a real one
Grief has a way of stripping away the pressure to “hold it all together.”
My children have seen me cry. They’ve seen me miss my dad. They’ve asked questions about death, loss, and sadness.
What I’ve come to understand is this: children don’t need a perfectly composed parent. They need honesty, emotional safety, and love.
Sometimes, the most powerful thing we can show our children is that it’s okay to feel.
3. Love matters more than getting everything right
The small parenting worries tend to fade in grief. What matters most isn’t the perfect routine, the perfect lunchbox, or the perfect bedtime.
What becomes clear:
- Connection matters more than routine perfection
- Presence matters more than productivity
- Love matters more than outcomes
This can be incredibly freeing.
4. The small moments become everything
Loss changes your relationship with time.
Suddenly, everyday moments feel significant – the bedtime cuddles, the dinner table chats, the silly conversations that fill ordinary days.
These are the memories your children will carry – not whether everything ran smoothly.
5. Parenting can make grief harder – and more meaningful
Parenting through grief comes with an ache that’s hard to put into words.
There are moments when you wish your loved one could see your children as they grow. Moments when you feel completely drained, yet still needed in ways that don’t pause.
And yet, alongside that heaviness, there can also be meaning.
Loving your children can feel like an extension of the love you were given – in a quiet way it continues on.
6. Children are more emotionally aware than we think
One thing I’ve learned is that children are often far more emotionally intuitive than we expect.
They notice when something feels different, even when nothing has been said out loud.
When we allow space for their questions, emotions, and curiosity, they often respond with remarkable empathy.
Grief has shown me that emotional openness within a family isn’t something to fear or shy away from – it’s something that can bring you closer together.
You don’t need perfect answers – just openness.
7. Joy and sadness can coexist
One of the most surprising parts of grief is emotional duality.
You might find yourself laughing with your children one moment, then feeling the weight of missing someone the next. You can feel grateful for what you have, while still grieving what you’ve lost.
Both can exist together – and neither cancels the other out.
8. Children bring you back to the present
Grief often pulls you into the past or into “what ifs”.
Children gently anchor you in the present moment – in daily rhythms and small, ordinary joys.
Even when it feels impossible, they can guide you back to living.
9. Strength looks different now
Strength isn’t always visible.
It might look like:
- Doing the school run on a hard day
- Crying once the children are asleep
- Asking for help (even when it’s difficult)
Quiet resilience is still strength.
10. Love continues, even after loss
Grief exists because love exists.
That relationship doesn’t disappear – it evolves.
You may notice it in:
- The values you pass on
- The stories you tell your children
- The way you show up as a parent
Love continues through memory, influence, and the people we become.
And that love is something I now get to pass on to my own children.
Is It Normal to Struggle With Parenting After Loss?
Yes – completely.
Grief impacts energy levels, emotional capacity and mental clarity.
Struggling doesn’t mean you’re doing a bad job. It means you’re human, processing something significant while continuing to care for others.
If You’re Navigating Grief and Motherhood Right Now
If you’re in this space, it’s important to hear this clearly:
You are not failing.
Some days will feel manageable. Others may feel overwhelming. Both are part of the experience.
Your children don’t need a perfect version of you.
They need your presence, your love, and the safety of knowing you’re there.
Even in grief, what you’re giving them is enough.
Rebecca Larter is an ICF, IPHM & ACCPH-certified trauma-informed Holistic Grief Coach, teacher, and mother of three.
My work is shaped by both professional training and lived experience of loss. In recent years I’ve lost my Dad, my Step-Dad, and a dear friend who became family. Grief is not something I observe from the outside , it’s something I live alongside every day. Walking this path has shown me how deeply grief can move through the body, relationships, identity and everyday life. My work is rooted in a trauma-informed, holistic approach. I work from the bottom up, honouring the wisdom of your nervous system and creating a space where your body, mind and soul feel safe enough to soften. Together, we listen. We slow down. We build awareness. We explore what regulation and grounding look like for you, not as a quick fix, but as a compassionate unfolding.
If you would like to reach out to Rebecca, follow her here on instagram
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